Sometimes we care too much what other people think of us. Our feelings of self worth go up and down like an elevator in a skyscraper. We lose sense of who we are and often make poor decisions about who to be with or how to behave because we are looking for approval from others whom we like. We may stay in relationships that are bad for us because we feel wanted. This is very hard on us but how can we stop being so dependent on external praise?
Start by finding things you like about yourself each day. The better you understand your qualities and accomplishments the less vulnerable you will be to external approval or disapproval. It can be easy to forget our qualities and remember only our mistakes and the hurtful words others have used on us. Try keeping a journal in which to collect the best compliments you receive and some of your accomplishments and kindnesses to others. This will help you know yourself better and give you a strong core.
Remind yourself that there can be many reasons you receive criticism or disapproval, and many of these reasons have nothing to do with you! They may not understand you, they may themselves be insecure and see you as competition, or they may be troubled by their own problems and just lashing out at you because you're there. Try to break the habit of feeling hurt before you've even stopped to think if their criticism is true. Most criticisms are not true or only partially true. If you do find any criticism valid, remind yourself you did your best, strive to do better next time, and then let it go.
Think of your own code of honor and learn to take pride in yourself when you behave in the way you have chosen to live your life. Getting clear on who you wish to be as a person protects you from making poor decisions to get approval.
Each day you have an opportunity to take a step closer to a healthy self esteem. Don't expect to do it all in one day, but keep reminding yourself of qualities you have and your own inner strength.
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